What makes women happy? Believe it
or not, it tends to be the little things that make women the most
satisfied in relationships. We spoke with Dr. M. Gary Neuman, family
counselor and author of connect to love who, based on his research, gave us some insights on what women want.
Time: Of all the things we talk about women wanting, time with
their spouse is it. The vast majority of women in happy relationships
get 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with their husbands each day.
Twenty-four percent of women who claim to be in unhappy relationships
spend fewer than five minutes a day with their spouses.
Ask yourself, “How much time do I spend with my spouse?”
Uninterrupted time means time spent without iPhones and Blackberrys — a
conversation with nothing else on.
Appreciation: Nowadays, women take care of the children and
make salaries, and they tend to be very underappreciated. Women should
be expressive of what makes them feel appreciated, saying, “These are
the kinds of things I like … x, y and z.” Men should listen, and women
should tune in when their husbands are appreciative.
Understanding: It’s important for women to have men who
understand them. It’s also important for women to help men understand
how to listen. Men often don’t have a clue they’re being bad listeners.
Women have to sense a time limit to conversation. More often than
not, men are sitting there thinking, “When is this going to end?” I
would say 15 to 20 minutes, max. Women should say to their husbands,
“It’s 8:00 p.m.; I need you to listen until 8:20 p.m.” Women may deserve
10 hours, but most men are not the best at listening to serious,
emotional conversations that go on.
Fun: This is one of those things that often goes out the
window, especially after the first child is born. All the factors like
jobs, rents or mortgages can add to relationship strain. Couples should
set up a date night — once every week, even if they are tired — during
which they spend a minimum of two hours alone. During this time, the
couple should talk about everything BUT work, money and children.
Kind Gestures: Hugs, kisses, unexpected telephone calls to say
"I love you." Simple things. I suggest five touch points a day for one
week — any kind gesture that takes 30 seconds or less. If a man can do
this for his partner for one week, both will be amazed at how much
better they feel in the relationship.